Monday, February 20, 2012

The Future of Investing

Sooooo.....we made a cutting edge investment this past week.  No pun intended.  We are in the know.....on top of the latest trends..... big risk takers.  Don't be like us.

We adopted two sister kitties, about two years ago.  I was going through an emotional season, after finding out that it would be most wise, for us not to have anymore babies.  As I worked through the process of grieving, I needed to baby something.  Scout was getting to the age of having enough of that from me.  Snuggles only come at his at bedtime, when he is desiring to prolong it (works every time), or when he wants something (works half of the time).

An announcement came through our home school discussion board, that an unexpected litter had been born to a local family.  Kittens are a dime a dozen around these parts.....usually born in a barn somewhere.  Most are flea, and ear mite infested.....or have worms, and gunk.  I wasn't in the place to bring home anything with special needs, especially since we wanted to adopt two kittens.  This situation was perfect, as the litter had been born in a nice home.....very clean and healthy.  The kittens also had been exposed to, and handled by two little they could handle what they had coming.  I was having concerns that Scout may try hug them to death, or smother them with affection.  Literally.  His little heart is compassionate that way.....just like his Papa' it didn't take much for me to convince my Biker Man that we NEEDED to adopt these two girls.  Just a little batting of my baby blues.....a secret smooch.....and voila!  He loves me.

We brought our girls home at six weeks of age......babied them, made sure they had their shots, got them spayed, and de-clawed.....yada, yada, yada.  I named them.....but my guys gave them nicknames that seemed more fitting, as they started to show their personalities, and fill into their little adult body types.  They called them Chunky Monkey, and Lean Cuisine.  I am convinced this is where the problems started.

Lean Cuisine prances around, as if she owns the place.....thinking that she can do whatever she wants, believing she's the skinny, perfect one.  She is too much sometimes, and overwhelming in her pursuit for attention......"Look at me!  I'm skinny.  I'm beautiful.  Hear me roar......meow!"  She is very mouthy.

Chunky Monkey, we now believe, had some major self image issues in comparison to her sister.  After the nicknaming.....she pretty much copped an attitude....."Talk to the paw!"  She would run away, resist attention, and affection from us......and would always, ALWAYS go for the juggler on Lean Cuisine when wrestling.  Very Cain and Able behavior.  She also became destructive.  Who knew kitten's would chew?  I thought that was a dog thing.  She chewed up the cording on expensive window blinds.....the cord to our name brand GPS.....and the cord to our wireless box thing.  What do you call that?  I dunno know.....but one night I couldn't access the Internet.  Anyway.....this girl was starting to cost us some money.  When Biker Man discovered something that he had to repair, as a result of her rebellious behavior.....he would subtract from her nine lives.  She was beginning to run low.

Sooooo.....about two weeks ago, we noticed that Chunky Monkey was showing a lack of interest in food.  Very strange, considering she is pretty demanding and displeased, when being fed.....if the service isn't faster at the drive up window.  A couple of days went by, and she was getting worse.  We took her to the vet, and weren't in the exam room more than five minutes, when Dr. Love came in, and quickly determined that we were dealing with a serious kitty emergency.  Chunky Monkey's kidney's were shutting down due to dehydration.....she was on the operating table in less than an hour.

After x-rays and exploration, it was discovered that this cat ingested two feet of kite string!  She apparently hunted, and dug through our craft supplies to find something interesting.  We know string is a no-no for kitties!  It got tied around the back of her tongue, and ran through her insides, clear to the end of her bottom (I can't bring myself to say the "medical" term for that part).  It was pulling tight her intestines, and they bunched up like Uncle Al's accordion.  Poor girl.  Dr. Love and her team did an amazing job during the procedure, which involved the intricate detail of cutting open her little intestine, to get the string out.  We are so glad that we took her in when we did......and are very thankful that she is still with us.  Dr. Love's expertise is more than a fair value.....but yes.....we were in sticker shock.

She was not able to come home for four days.....long time nowadays, even for humans to be in the hospital.  When we brought her home, we were sobered at her shaven belly, and at the prophetic reality of her given nickname.  Chunky Monkey is right!  With her little-big folds, and her incision.....she couldn't even bend over to clean her yoo-hoo.  It was the most pitiful thing.  Biker Man's heart went out to her.....he said....."Well, we did take her away from her mother at six weeks.  Maybe it was week seven, that she would have learned to do that."

As the days passed, during her recovery at home, we were noticing the weight drop off of our little Chunky Monkey.  She was gettin' a little "sassafras" in her, and it came with a new attitude.....prancin' around like a Skinny Minnie.  She began rolling on her back and showing off her belly.....chirping at us, as if she was saying "How do ya like my new figure?"   Biker Man and I were surprised, as she wasn't normally "showy".....those were antics that we expected from her beautiful-skinny sister, Lean Cuisine, who noticed the change......when we let her in to visit her sister in her recovery period, she sniffed her butt like she had never met her before.  She sniffed and looked at her.....sniffed again, then stepped aside with wide eyes and ears back, as if to say "Whoa!  Look at you girl!  What did you have done?  (Who needs the Biggest Loser on Tuesday nights?  Got reality TV right here in our bathroom.)  Then it donned on us.....we think Chunky Monkey underhandedly got us to consent to her having gastric bypass surgery.....

Biker Man said, "That cat is on her ninth life!  She better use it wisely....."

Gastric bypass surgery for cats......the future of investing.


  1. Did she have a "Cat Scan"? Sorry-just couldn't resist! LOL!

  2. Oh, what an adventure you all had. You have such a way with words. Loved the story.

    I am glad that it wasn't completely "Cat"ostrophic!!!