Sooo.....Scout wanted chickens this time last year, after going into the Tractor Supply Center, and seeing them for sale there. We weren't equipped to bring another "live something" home, so we told him that he had to save a few hundred dollars, in order to get set up for chickens. We told him he could save for a year, and if he reached the agreed goal.....we would get chickens. Long story short.....the boy saved like no one's business......(actually, the child has loaned his mother money).....anyway, he saved.....
until the after Christmas sales.
He was doing SO good at saving. He was so motivated.....when he was at a store and wanted something, I would ask....."Do you want this more, or chickens more?" Chickens always won. The Cows at Chick-Filet woulda' been proud of him.
Then, Biker Man had some extended time off during the past holiday season. We had just purchased a new computer, so he was teaching Scout some new things on it. With some Christmas money, Scout wanted a new Wii game, so Biker Man taught him how to look for a deal on Amazon.com.
Scout got lost in the jungle.
His chicken fund began to burn a hole in his pocket......and onto the skin, of those precious legs. He was doing a constant jig, from the unbearable pain.....his little body was smokin' with desire. The depths of the Amazon rain forest was calling out to him......Biker Man and I kept trying to reel him back.....but deeper he went.....wanting to spend his money.....
on spy gear.
The little dude had about a fifth saved of our original goal.....he definitely had a chunk of change. Biker Man and I struggled in allowing him to blow it all (actually, struggle isn't a strong enough word here, I will let you fill in the blank.....cause I am really blank).....but we felt our hands were tied. Scout had done everything we had asked. He had tithed 10% of his gross earnings. He had saved another 10% of his gross earnings, for any personal needs that may come about. Right now he is saving for socks (Don't miss this people! Don't be sendin' my kid socks. Yes, we can afford to buy the boy some socks). Then he saved 50% of the gross for his savings account. The rest he was able to keep and spend.....and that is the money, along with an occasional gift, that he had been saving for chickens. Soooo.....in one fell swoop, on a Friday night.....(once we painstakingly let go of the reins) the child dropped well over $100 into the online jungle, spending it on his 7 year old passion in life.....spy gear.
Now.....once we got past the agonizing parenting opportunity, of allowing him to spend this wad of cash.....Biker Man and I had to up our game. There were going to be boundaries of play, with all of this espionage weaponry. We were having visions of ending up on the Inside Edition news show, with whatever classified information this kid would dig up on the two adults that live in this house. He was wanting to get secret video trackers, see-through-the-wall glasses, bionic ear gadgets, and alarms of all sorts. So we laid down the law.....firm. "If you come near our bedroom with any of that equipment.....we'll be on Inside Edition all right! And it won't be for what you thought we would be on there for!" Looking perplexed, he said "What's Inside Edition? What do you mean Papa?"
Anyway.....the little guy then went by the front window.....like..... 5 minutes after he placed his orders.....and waited for the mailman. Mailman Bob came the next day, without any packages. "Stupid mailman!" I heard him say under his breath. "Buddy.....it will take up to 14 days for everything to come." But everyday.....he looked out that window, waiting. Then FINALLY on day 5 (an eternity for ALL of us waiting in this household, let me tell you).....the first of a few shipments came.
It was the coveted lie detector kit! The scene was one that you all have witnessed in the movie "A Christmas Story," when Ralphie receives his secret decoder pin. Get outta the way! There is some serious business going on.....up to his room my little spy went, to figure it all out.
Once Scout reemerged, he stomped down the stairs with a purpose in mind. He was putting me on that thing.....gonna "catch" me in a lie. To be quite honest with you.....I was afraid of sticking my fingers on that device. I thought it would shock, sting or buzz at me. (I am weirdly sensitive that way.....don't be like me.....I have issues). In the name of love, I stuck my fingers onto that contraption. My child had a look on his face, that was so up tightly serious.....I thought he may have squeezed his sweet cheeks together so hard, that his underwear would've disappeared. The atmosphere was thick. The questioning began:
"Are you a spy?" He asked.
"No." I answered.
His eyeballs about shot out of his head.....he began to intensely study, whatever this $25 interrogation tool was spitting out......it was not professional reconnaissance equipment, mind you, it's life expectancy is probably about 6 months. Anyway..... we waited a minute or two.....
"So what's the result?" I asked.
He looked at me with his eyebrows turned inward....."I KNEW IT! YOUR A SPY!! YOU'RE LYING!!!
Believe me when I tell you.....I AM this child's mother. I DO know this child better than anyone on this earth.....but now according to this lie detector kit, and my seven year old, I am living a double life.
Gonna go have a predictable day now.....or maybe it's a cover......the whole homemaker, home school mom thing.....apparently Scout thinks it is.
I need coffee.